the 3:00 coma is a work place phenomena. it occurs to all of us poor 9 to 5ers on a daily basis. you know what i'm talking about, you're mind and body start slowly shutting down, you start thinking about things like what you would do if you won the lottery and what that personalized license plate meant that you saw on your way to work this morning and why people personalize their license plates and that bumper sticker that you saw at lunch "my boss is a jewish carpenter" and why i so quickly muttered under my breathe "good luck getting that pay check!" and how that may have sealed the deal on me going to hell. and in between nodding off and falling into a hypnotic type daze at your computer screen you recall that there is really only one solution to this...sugar. it is too late for coffee, to close between meals for anything of real sustenance so candy it is.
during just such a moment the other day i finally succumbed to the sugar rush need. so i hopped in the good old envoy and headed down to the corner store to get a mini tootsie roll. i only need a little to get me going and i don't want too many calories so two mini tootsie rolls is the way to go. anyhoo, i get there and the immediate shame of getting candy in the middle of the day without a good reason like going to a movie or something. but i needed just a little fix to get me through the next couple of hours so i decided to give myself a break. i walked in and found the candy aisle. no mini tootsies. all they have are full size candy bars and bags of various sugary delights. this was getting a little out of hand. i then began to notice the other patrons, they were also here for candy in the middle of the day trying to get through the 3:00 coma i that all these people were fat and poor and then i heard to "i'm into money" tune in the background, someone had just one ten dollars on scratchers "i've never won more than five bucks before" the rotund gentleman said "give me two crosswords and a pack of camel lights".
was this my future? is this 3:00 coma going to turn me into a fat, poor, lottery playing smoker? oh no it is not, ladies and gentlemen! i got myself a balance bar and i got the hell out of there.
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5 comments:
Oh Emily-
I'm so glad you saw the light! That could have been you in no time...wise decision to just get a power bar. That was a little too close a call.
i saw baby mama last night. i have definitively concluded that you are Amy Poehlers long lost, less brain damaged sister.
Emily, you are a fantastic writer. I didn't know that was one of your incredible talents...you never cease to amaze me.
Close call!!! By the way it is 5:19pm and I just ate 8 Twizzlers...that can't be good.
I came across your site while just bouncing around and wound up LMAO(!) for the past half hour here. Very funny. Very entertaining. Good stuff. Thank you.
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